Cookies By Mail

Cookies By Mail is a funny, scary story that is based on an urban legend told by kids in Russia. It’s about a cookie factory that makes the most delicious cookies anyone has ever tasted. I think it’s extremely random and delightfully warped. Leave a comment and tell me what you think about it.

One morning, the residents of a small town in Russia got a printed flier in the mail. It was a brochure advertising cookies for sale. The flier said that people could order whatever cookies they wanted by phone or on the Internet. The cookies would be delivered bright and early the next morning. The flier promised that if you ordered cookies and they weren’t delivered on time, you would get them for free.

The residents of the town began ordering cookies and the cookies began arriving in the mail. The cookie company delivered hundreds of cookies to the people every week. The business was a huge success and everyone said that the cookies were the most delicious cookies they had ever tasted.

One morning, the residents awoke to find something new in their mail. It was another printed flier. This one was telling them about a new promotion the cookie company was running. The first customer to eat a thousand cookies would win a trip to the cookie factory where they would receive a guided tour.

Immediately, everyone in the town began eating as many cookies as they could stomach. Everybody wanted to be the first to eat a thousand cookies and win a trip to the cookie factory to see where the cookies were manufactured.

One young boy in particular was desperate to win the competition. Every day, he bought as many cookies as he could afford and when they arrived in the mail he crammed them into his mouth. The boy was so determined to win the competition that he ate cookies all day long. Any time his mouth was empty, he would grab two or three cookies and shove them inside. He chomped and chewed and gobbled for five whole days until he had finally eaten one thousand cookies.

He won the competition and the day on which he was to take his trip to the cookie factory finally arrived. He was given a guided tour around the entire complex. He saw the ovens in which they baked the cookies. They showed him the machines that added the sprinkles to the cookies. He watched as people injected jam and chocolate chips into the cookies.

As his guide was leading him around the factory, the boy spotted a door that had a sign on it which read:

Cookie Dough.
Top Secret Ingredients.
Do Not Enter.

The boy was curious about how the cookie dough was made, so the first chance he got, he evaded the guide and doubled back until he came to the door. Quietly, he opened the door and peered into the darkness.

His eyes took a few seconds to adjust to the light. What he saw made him vomit on the floor. Inside the room, there was a huge conveyor belt and in front of the conveyor belt stood a long line of men and each man held a spoon and the top of each man’s head had been sawed off and their brains were exposed and the men were spooning their brains into the cookie dough and mixing it in and spitting in it too.

The horrified young boy ran to the nearest phone and called the police and everyone in the cookie factory was arrested, especially the men with the spoons.