Denko 5

In Denko Part 5, the intrepid stalker is confused and can’t make up his mind between the loves of his life. The funny and true story of a stalker and the girlfriend who wants nothing to do with him. Read the transcript, it’s hilarious. (OP means Original Poster and 2CH are the people replying to him.)

Denko part 5 – [Help!] I’m Not Sure Who I Like Anymore (´･ω･`)

#OP: Now, about Denko’s “boyfriend”… It turns out Denko doesn’t actually have a boyfriend… I’m seriously shocked that Denko would lie to me. Why would she do that? She shook my hand when we parted, so I don’t think she really hates me… (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Sheesh, you can’t assume all that just from a handshake…

#2ch: Oh boy, the 600-email man again… So what happened after Denko went on the rampage and beat you up?

#2ch: ARREST HIM ALREADY.

#2ch: How’s that evil mastermind A-ko doing?

#OP: Actually, I’d rather you not say bad things about A-ko right now… (´･ω･`)

#2ch: You were saying you didn’t trust A-ko before and now suddenly you’re her babysitter?

#OP: Sorry, I’ll give more details. I asked A-ko for some advice and she was harsh. She said I had a 10% chance of getting with Denko at best. Then I suddenly realized that maybe A-ko is jealous of me… Then it was so clear to me why A-ko was selling me information! Maybe she just wanted to talk to me all along? Once I had that thought, I started to see A-ko’s kindness and I realized my feelings were starting to shift toward A-ko a little… Does anyone have experience loving two people at the same time? I don’t know how to describe these feelings… (´･ω･`)

#2ch: What? What?

#2ch: The most outrageous misunderstanding of all time… So self-absorbed… Well, no point in telling us about it. Go confirm that A-ko likes you, OP.

#OP: I’m not that self-absorbed… I’m really worried… Maybe it’s because Denko carved out my heart that I’m being fooled into thinking I love A-ko? Of course, it’s also possible I could love two people… As long as they respond to my emails, I mean. But how should I ask her? (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Ask her: “Do you like pee-pee in your poo-poo?”

#OP: What does that mean? I don’t think I want to ask that at all… (´･ω･`)

#2ch: You won’t know until you try! Gotta live and learn!

#OP: Well, I sent her an email: “Do you like pee-pee in your poo-poo?”… But I’ve had some bad experiences thanks to some of your suggestions… If this makes her not like me, I’m really going to be stuck… (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Good Lord!

#2ch: Send this: “A-ko, you gave me advice, right? You were harsh with me, saying I have a 10% chance with Denko at best. But I had this sudden thought. A-ko, could you possibly be jealous of Denko? If that’s the case, then I think I know why you wanted to contact me now. You just wanted to talk with me, didn’t you? Yes, it’s all coming together now. After realizing this, I’ve come to notice your kindness, A-ko, and I’ve noticed my feelings are shifting toward you. I love you too, A-ko. So could I ask your feelings…?

#2ch: Yeah, that’s good. Send that.

#OP: Wow, too late. She replied already! She just sent one word: “G☆R☆O☆S☆S”… She put stars in it, though. Is that good? Did I get through to her? (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Sounds perfect.

#2ch: You got her for sure! You can do this! Go for it!

#OP: Hmmm… maybe she was confused by what I meant… Okay, I think I have this! I sent A-ko an email asking “You know what I mean?” Here we go… (´･ω･`)

#2ch: This is the perfect time to send that earlier suggestion!

#2ch: Perhaps it’s better that he targets A-ko, the girl who sells info about her friends, rather than the innocent Denko…

#OP: Now that I sent it, I’m really worrying what I’ll do if Denko confesses her love to me too… (´･ω･`)

#2ch: I wouldn’t worry about it.

#2ch: It’s fine. Neither of them will.

#2ch: SINCE THAT WON’T HAPPEN. Date them both!

#2ch: Look at you guys, mocking OP when he’s so close to getting his first date.

#OP: W-Whoa… Am I close? Really? This is making me excited… Can’t wait for A-ko to email me, oh man… (´･ω･`)

#2ch: We’ve entered a whole new world of Mr. Stalker’s misunderstandings…

#2ch: Girls like A-ko only date men for money, you know. She’s gonna need payment. Somewhere in the order of 500,000 yen.

#2ch: OP’s illness is getting worse. He must be off his meds. It’s dangerous to keep this up. Please, take your medication and tell your doctor about this.

#OP: SHE REPLIED!! She said: “So what are you saying? You want a date?”… Huh? Do I want to date A-ko…? I’m worried about Denko… If I date A-ko, then I won’t be able to date Denko, will I? (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Whatever your choice, the result will be the same.

#2ch: She’s throwing all sorts of signs, moron! Don’t back away from this!

#2ch: Seems obvious to me. Three can play at this game.

#2ch: If things end with A-ko, you can go back and stalk Denko again. But for now, go with A-ko.

#2ch: Even if you’re rejected, you’ve still got Denko, OP! Tell her you wanna date! And girls love creepy, confused men, trust me.

#OP: Um… I just sent this… “Are you asking me for a date, A-ko?” (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Are you retarded? Never answer a question with a question.

#2ch: What? Are you kidding me? A-ko asks if you want to date her and you reply by asking if she wants to date you? Girls hate men like that!

#2ch: You never let us down, OP.

#OP: If A-ko says she wants to date, then I wonder if I’ll have to forget about Denko… I’m getting a little nervous… (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Follow up with this: “I’m sorry. I was so shocked, I replied with a question instead. That’s just how it goes when I’m anxious about you, A-ko. So yes, please, go out with me.” I mean why didn’t you just say that to begin with???

#OP: Sorry, but what exactly was the problem with what I sent? I’m getting impatient over the lack of reply, though… (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Because you replied with a question! When you could’ve just been a man and said “Yes, I want to date you!”

#2ch: There’s no problem! It’s perfect!

#OP: Thanks a lot, guys, now I’m worried I’m making big mistakes… I’m getting a little depressed here… (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Next thread: [Help!] My Girlfriend Is Suing Me

#2ch: [Help!] Both of my Girlfriends are Suing Me

#2ch: [Help!] The Police Are Here

#2ch: [Help!] I’m Being Chased By My Girlfriend’s Friend

#OP: Got a reply! “If you say you want to date, then sure, we can date! ♥” Huh? Do I want to date A-ko??? What is this feeling…? (´･ω･`)

#2ch: What? What? What? WHAT IS THIS??????

#2ch: How… but…? CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#2ch: Huh? What? What, what? Is this real life or is this just fantasy?????

#OP: Going to A-ko’s side right after I broke up with Denko would be really… I dunno… I don’t have any idea how to respond. Should we date? Won’t she think I’m fickle then? (´･ω･`)

#2ch: “Broke up”… YOU WERE NEVER DATING…

#OP: Sent this: “If you really want to, we could start dating now so we can get married later.” OK! I’ll forget about Denko if I have to…! Sniff… (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Congrats, dude!

#2ch: So you can get… get married later… OMFG… You’re amazing, you know that…

#2ch: How old is OP?

#2ch: Just got into college… I think.

#2ch: Second year, actually.

#2ch: [Help!] We’re Dating, But I Can’t Forget My Old Girlfriend

#2ch: [Help!] I Had To Pay Her 3 Million Yen in Compensation

#OP: Got a reply from A-ko! That was quick! “I look forward to it too! *smile* I just want you to promise me three things: First, don’t tell anyone we’re dating. Second, I’m the one in charge here, and if you disagree, then this is all null and void. Third, as a general rule, you are forbidden from contacting me unless I contact you first. Can you uphold those three rules for me? ♥”… So yeah… Kinda strange how she doesn’t want me to contact her, huh? (´･ω･`)

#2ch: OMG, it’s like she wants you to sign a contract…

#2ch: Oh yeah, she’s totally after your money…

#2ch: She wants to have a monopoly on you! Isn’t that cute?

#2ch: Sounds like she’s stopping just short of saying “I will contact you whenever I need money, thanks! o(^▽^)o”

#2ch: [Help!] I Am A Personal ATM

#OP: Sent this: “Don’t you think it’s a little harsh saying I can’t contact you myself?” (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Be more forceful! See, this is why you’re a loser.

#OP: Thanks! You’re absolutely right! I’m feeling braver now! Sent this: “Never mind, I was just kidding! Let’s date!! I love you!!” (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Brave enough to become a slave, apparently…

#2ch: You need to have three conditions of your own: 1. Don’t date anyone but me. 2. Meet me at least once a week. 3. Don’t spend my money on anything.

#2ch: Hahaha, talk about an unfair deal!

#OP: I got a reply! She said: “Rule 3 states that you are forbidden from contacting me if I don’t contact you first. You just broke this rule. Gosh, do I need to say it twice? I’ll let you off with a warning this time, but be more careful from now on. *smile* So I guess that makes today our anniversary! ♥ Make sure you never, ever forget it!” (´･ω･`)

#2ch: A-ko is a pro.

#OP: Umm, she said not to tell anyone we were dating, but maybe I should let Denko know? I finally have a real girlfriend! (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Not if you don’t pay her around 300,000 yen.

#2ch: Oh, you’re such a romantic. I tip my hat to you, sir. Girls fall head over heels for romantic types, so good luck!

#OP: All my knowledge about girls comes from manga and computer game dating sims, so I don’t know… (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Don’t worry, those dating sim games are basically just reality in game form.

#OP: I got a shocking email from A-ko… “We can meet after school today! Oh, but one more thing I need to say. I want you to stay pure until we get married. I’m looking forward to my wedding night with you, since we’re leading up to marriage here. *smile* So no touchy-touchy until then, please! ♥” (´･ω･`)

#2ch: If you’re keeping your promises, you should really make sure she stays pure too.

#2ch: Yeah, definitely do this.

#OP: First time on a date with a real live girl… I’m nervous… My armpits are sweating… Spring is coming, and I’m sorry I’ve troubled you all with my problems. But I’m really grateful! Thanks!! I bet you can all get great girlfriends too!! (´･ω･`)

#2ch: You really don’t think about anything but what’s convenient for you, do you… You’re sick, man, get help!

[Help!] I’m Deathly Confused By How Women Think (´･ω･`)

#OP: We just started dating, but I’m really surprised by the differences in how men and women think. I need to know the secrets of good dating… Like how to have good dates… (´･ω･`)

#2ch: You… Are you the Denko guy?

#OP: Ah, uh, yes, you were all very helpful with Denko. (´･ω･`)

#2ch: Oh, it’s A-ko now, right… The master-slave relationship.

#2ch: Did you give up on Denko or what?

#OP: I wrote a letter and gave it to her! (´･ω･`)

#2ch: At any rate, you need to be close with your partner.

#OP: Hm… Is that the trick to a long relationship?