Grocery List

The Grocery List is a short and creepy story in the form of a list written by an angry housewife.

1 dozen eggs, 1 lb of butter

(My husband loves the omelettes I cook for his breakfast.)

1 gallon of milk, 1 large box of Frosted Flakes

(We have 3 children and they’re a handful.)

1 bottle of valium

(Sometimes I have to take something to deal with the stress.)

1 bottle of vodka, 6-pack of beer

(My husband is an alcoholic. I wish I’d known that before I married him.)

3 lbs of hamburger meat, 4 tomatoes, 1 head of lettuce

(I spend all day at home taking care of the children…)

1 box of washing detergent, 1 floor mop

(…while my husband is out enjoying himself.)

5 weight-watchers low-calorie microwave meals

(My husband tells me I’m too fat. He says I need to lose weight.)

1 box of chocolates

(I don’t know why I should lose weight when my husband is cheating on me with another woman.)

1 box of tissues

(Every night, I cry myself to sleep!)

1 pair of rubber gloves

(They think I don’t know about their affair!)

1 can of anti-freeze, 1 bottle of lemonade

(Well, if they think I’m going to let them get away with it…)

1 box of rat poison, 1 box of teabags

(… they have another think coming.)

1 roll of duct tape, 12 black garbage bags

(They always say: Hell hath no fury…)

1 large butcher knife, 1 hand axe

(…like a woman scorned.)

1 circular saw, 1 shovel, 1 bag of quicklime