Shadow God

The Shadow God is a stupid story that is supposed to be scary but fails miserably. This story consists of excerpts from “The Shadow God” by Aaron Rayburn, which is widely regarded as the worst horror novel ever written. It ranks No.5 on Amazon’s list of lowest rated books of all time. It takes an enormous lack of talent to produce a malodorous masterpiece like this. It’s also genuinely hilarious, for all the wrong reasons.

Craig Johnson had two best friends, two caring parents, a hot girlfriend, and a nice truck – not bad for a twenty-year-old. A decent life, until he began hearing the voices. What Craig didn’t tell anyone was that, late at night, as he sleeped in his bed, he heard demonic voices talking at him in his bedroom late at night.

One evening, Craig Was hanging out with his best friends Todd and Mark and his smoking hot girlfriend Kristy. Kristy regarded him favorably and kissed him in his mouth. Craig looked annoyed. He exhaled annoyingly.

Kristy: What’s the matter?

Craig: Nothing, it’s nothing. Shut up, subconscious!

Kristy: I can tell when something’s wrong.

Craig: I’m fine! I mean leave me alone! I mean no one understands me!

Kristy: Oh, ok, I guess I just won’t ask then.

Craig: What? Wait! No, you’re supposed to pry.

Kristy: Sure. What’s troubling you?

Craig: I hear ghosts at night and my dad’s in prison and also I think something horrible will happen to me. You see, I am cursed since birth. Years ago, when I was just a baby, my parents attended to a church where the priest was named Father Spiers. There were some people who regarded the priest as a crazy old codger, who had weird and crazy ideas. My father had his doubts about Father Spiers. He didn’t like him, to say the least. Father Spiers told everyone that my mother and father were satanists and that they were going to have evil babies and that I was the spawn of satan.

Kristy: That’s the most horrible and terrific thing I ever laid ears on.

Craig: Soon, everyone in town knew what was going on. My parents were shunt and I was considered to be a blasphemy who would grow up to destroy the world. One day my dad couldn’t take it anymore and he strangled Father Spiers to death in a bloody fit of rage. As my father digged his fingers into the priest’s throat, Father Spiers just had time to choke out: “The Shadow God is coming” before he collapsed and fell down dead.

Kristy: OMG!

Craig: The police didn’t understand that Father Spiers tricked my father into strangling him and they sent my dad to jail and that’s where he still is now. For the last 20 years he’s been serving 20 years in prison for strangling a guy. And lately I’ve been hearing demonic voices whispering in my room.

Afterwards, Craig was relived to have told her and as he stared into her unblemished face, he know she understands.

Upon returning back to his home much later, Craig blowed a breath of exaustion and layed in his bed. He fell asleep instantly and had a dream.

Craig saw a flock of sheep grazing in the meadows. They were, somehow, communicating with him, but he had no idea what they were saying. A shadow fell down over them and then everything disappeared. He woke up to the sound of creepy demon voices chattering again and saw a blue light in his closet. He was mesmerized by the lucid, shinering blue light.

Right away, he called for his mom to come help. He call her in to check in his closet. She couldn’t see a blue light and she called him a baby and leaved, slaming the door.

It was obvious to Craig that his mother had no idea what he was talking about. Nor did she know when to keep her mouth shut.

Then the bright blue light manifested itself from within his closet and he was drawn to it, mystified by its beauty. The lamp’s glow was very weak compared to the blue glow emancipating from the closet. It infiltrated his eyes, filling them with a kind of innovativeness he had never felt before.

Craig was drawn into the light and thrust into a world of darkness – the Dark World, a shadowy world that lies between the world of light and the world of darkness. It was a dark and freezing void where he was surrounded by blackness and the absence of light.

Craig’s friends, Todd and Mark, were also pulled into the Dark World. He looked up and saw their bodies hurdling by overhead. They landed with a thud.

In his head, he heard a demonic voice say, “It’s leading you to the edge of the world, Craig. Stop now before you fall into the pits of hell.”

Craig held his hands to his ears to shut out the voices in his head. He couldn’t take anymore of it. The exposed skin of his body ached from the freezing wind. He wondered when the inhumanity was going to stop.

“Not until your dead, Craig!” said the voice. “NOT UNTIL YOU’RE DEAD!”

Just then, Craig screamed at the top of his lungs. He screamed for perhaps a full minute. After a moment, he opened his eyes and peered into the mystic black.

Craig looked around himself through the darkness. There was something far off into the distance. Craig was appalled that he was actually seeing something. He hollered into the vast darkness. The chilling breeze died instantly and the distant speck of light wavered like a twinkling star. He began to walk toward it. Whatever it was, it was something.

“What the hell?” he muttered. He drifted closer, feeling a tinge of heat for the first time and realized it was a fireball. He wondered if the fireball was dangerous. It almost had to be if it existed in this world, didn’t it? Craig was almost sure that nothing good could ever come from this world.

“Hello?” Craig said attentatively.

The orange ball of flame flickered soundlessly in the pitch black of the Dark World. It cast odd orange light on the concrete below.

It’s a ghost, Craig’s mind screamed. It is a lost soul who has been trapped here…. just like us.

Craig refused to believe that. Though it was a ball of fire precariously floating in the middle of the air, Craig had to accept it because it was there in front of him. He was seeing at it with his very own eyes. Still, his mind was wracking and he began to ponder on his thoughts.

“Who are you?” Craig asked.

The flaming sphere flickered, then a change began. The flame dulled from the bright orange to a glowing azure. Suddenly, it began sprouting arms and legs and limbs and began changing into a monster.

Craig’s mind yelled at him to run, but he stood still, unable to move, watching the glowing transformation. Even if he did run where would he run?

The burning, blue fire was transforming into a figure. Craig starred transfixed as the object propagated a head. The head stretched the taunt skin of its shoulders as it came up and out. It was bald with dominant features, short horns where its ears should have been, and piercing, black eyes, and a large flat nose. It growled softly, lifting up its arms.

It is a demon, Craig thought on the verge of fainting. His mouth suddenly went dry and he trembled, a hysteria of fear building inside him.

The demon floated several feet into the air, shining radiantly with that ominous, blue light Craig had seen in his bedroom. Suddenly, the demon stopped growling and craned its neck toward Craig.

“You’ve got to kill it, before it kills you” shouted his friend Todd.

Craig thought furiously with his brain. Already, he knew he wouldn’t be able to do it. In fact, he knew he wouldn’t.

The strange demon was beastly in size with thick, bushy eyebrows, a prominent protruding forehead, and a thick, black coarse beard. His gait was that of a mammal – a Neanderthal.

“That’s probably the fiercest demon known to man,” Craig telled at Todd. “How can I kill it with my hands?”

At that time, Craig almost gave up hope. Maybe I should just give up hope and let it kill me, his brain screamed. Of all the things to think, he never thought he’d think that.

“Here, use this,” said Todd’s voice.

Craig looked down at his feet and set his eyes on a sword. He grabbed it into his hand and heaved it up. He ran forward with all his might and forced the sword into the demon’s hide and into its heart. It slid in easily enough, as if the demon’s hide was made of tenderized meat.

The demon’s eyes popped extraneously from their sockets as his face turned from a deep red to a sickly purple.

“That won’t hold him for long,” said Craig. “Come on we’ve got to get out of here.”

Craig and his two best friends Todd and Mark found a door and ran through it. They locked it behind them and blowed a sigh with relief. They saw a light up ahead and realized it was a portal that led back to their world – the world of light.

Suddenly the roof collapsed and Craig was trapped underneath wood and concrete. Craig looked up and saw a bomb lying beside him. The timer was ticking away. The demon was ramming down the door. There was no time.

Trapped under a beam with the countdown ticking away, the monster just on the other side of the battered door, and his friends trying to free him, Craig look up at them and yell, “Go on without me. I’ll be alright. I’ll hold him off while you escape!”

His friends, because they knowed his sacrifice won’t be in vain, maked their getaway and when the monster breaked through just as the explosives gone off, just like Jesus did, Craig knowed he died saving the lives of his dearest friends.